Yes, I am alive.
The daffodils have long since sprouted, bloomed and faded and I’m still sat here in my fleecy lined pants, waiting for the year to crack into gear and get going. Alarmingly this seems to be a bit of an annual thing now. I’m not sure if it’s down to age or the illness (or a bit of both) but one second I’m packing up the Christmas tree, next, I’m looking up from life and thinking ‘bloody hell, it’s half way to June already’.
During February, March and much of April I plodded along quite well – not quite bouncing off the ceilings, but pretty upbeat most days. The pain was reduced and for the most part, the exhaustion was fairly manageable. Little Miss Hope even raised her head there for a while. Bless her for trying. Clearly, she’s one of the more optimistic of the Little Misses bunch.
Then, 3 weeks ago, a variety of shit happened – the sort of stressful, unwanted shit that life likes to vomit up at us from time to time. My body, in response to this shit, decided that it really couldn’t be bothered to deal with that extra hassle. So, just like that, it shut up shop and switched to Low Energy Mode. My batteries basically went from ‘Bunny’ to ‘Dodo’ in the blink of an eye and I found myself back in my ‘can’t think, can’t speak, can’t function’ dormant state of complete and utter uselessness.
Just like that, Little Miss Hope went scuttling off into the sunset and Little Miss Dozy moved her duvet and pillow back in. So much for that optimism, they’re a fickle, cold-hearted bunch, I have to say.
3 weeks on and there’s bugger all I can do to get myself out of this slump. I’m living in a fog where the exhaustion brings back the pain, the pain brings back the black clouds and the blue moods make everything seem that much harder. Right now I’m so bloody tired I could curl up, cry and sleep through to Christmas. The Christmas at the tail end of 2018.
The annoying thing is that during my brief good spell, I kept meaning to write a positive post about how the meds were working wonders. But, as is always the case, when I’m feeling a bit better I always use that precious energy to get a load of other stuff done. Plus, if truth be told, when I’m feeling ‘up’ the very last thing I want to think or write about is feeling down.
But hey, now I’m back to this largely horizontal state again, life’s all about the Lupus, Sjogren’s and bleeding Fibromyalgia. So while I probably don’t have the clarity of brain to put one correctly spelt, relevant word in front another, I might as well get this blog back on track. If nothing else, it might stop the onslaught of WordPress emails that remind me I’ve gone to ground; they repeatedly tell me to keep my followers informed.
Why you lovely people (who’ve taken the time to follow my blog) would actually want to be informed about my health related crap, I have no idea! But thank you, sincerely, for showing support. I was starting to wonder if there’s even a point to spilling my guts and whining all over the web in this way, but I guess if even one person can relate and nod their head in agreeance, it makes it all worthwhile.