You stupid girl. The next time you feel like this crap, please drag your head out from under the cushions and pay attention to the following symptoms:
When your lungs feel starved of o2 and every breath hurts – it should not be ignored. When it feels as if a boa constrictor is wrapped around your chest, crushing your ribs – it should not be ignored.
When you wheeze like a smoker for no good reason – it should not be ignored. When your body feels extra depleted, done in and defeated – it should not be ignored. When your skin turns an even sicklier shade of grey – it should not be ignored. When you’re hacking up mucus the colour and consistency of gloopy Ambrosia custard – it should not be ignored.
You silly, silly girl. All these symptoms are not ‘normal’, even in your messed up world. Quelle surprise, you have a lung infection. And that, my dear, will not quietly disappear without a helping hand, no matter how deep into denial you dive.
So now you can add another eight little steroid tablets to your breakfast menu and wait to see if they do the job. What’s that, you moan? 14 tablets with your granola is just too much to bear? Perhaps you’ll remember that next time…
Look on the bright side at least. Best case scenario: you’ll perk up and soon be back to your usual Lupusy self. Worst case scenario: come the weekend you’ll have bulging muscles and be ready join the ladies Russian shot put team.* A result either way, it has to be said.
* I jest, of course, these steroids don’t turn you into a super athlete overnight.